


Ravaged - Epilogue

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:20:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10 Months have passed and a visit from an old friend brings painful memories and healing.<br/>This story is a sequel to Ravaged II.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ravaged - Epilogue

## Ravaged - Epilogue

by Jayd

Disclaimer: Characters and premise of Sentinel belong to Pet Fly Prod. and UPN. I don't own them and am making no money off of this story. No copyright infringement intended. 

Author's note: Sorry to all those I promised this epilogue to a while back. Real life got in the way as well as real death. But it's finished now and I hope it satisfies those who felt I didn't have enough comfort after so much hurt. I hope this suffices cause it's all youse going to get. 

Also, I dedicate this ending to my Aim, aka N'Wanda, the best fanpartner anyone could ask for. You inspire me to reach and to overcome. I hope I do the same for you. AJSB always. 

* * *

Dr. Alex Chadwin stood staring at the classroom door, knowing Blair Sandburg was teaching a class in there. He had debated with himself about coming to Cascade while he was in the area for his cousin's wedding. 

In the area, Alex mused. Yeah, right. The wedding was in Tacoma. 

But Alex felt the need to see Blair, to assure himself that Blair had recovered...rather, was recovering from his ordeal some ten months ago. Why he felt guilty about the whole thing, Alex wasn't certain. He had helped rescue Blair after all. Perhaps it had been the fact that he had sat throughout that afternoon lunch with Fernando Alverez, Matthew Baker and his now ex-colleague, Gordon Stanfield. That he had sat there knowing all this was wrong and the man, whoever he had turned out to be, had not been there willingly, a slave to perverse masters. 

A vision of Blair dressed only in a loincloth, dark curls held back by a glittering jeweled headband, made him hesitate, trying desperately to push that image from his mind. He remembered how Gordon had stared in such apparent lust, at the gold collar around Blair's neck and the leash attached and firmly held by Baker. And he remembered the bandages around Blair's wrists and the bruises on the young man's face and body. To Gordon the entire display had been erotic, but Alex had only felt discomfort and an appalling sense of something being terribly wrong. 

Alex swallowed back his hesitation and hoped to slip into the room without Blair seeing him. He should have known better, being a teacher himself, that most classrooms gave ample view to the instructor. 

He saw Blair glance his way, hesitate in his lecture for a few moments longer than he'd have for another visitor, then resume without major incident. 

Nice recovery, Blair. 

Alex seated himself and watched while the young man wrote something on the chalkboard behind him. 

Must be an intro. class, Alex thought. But Blair played his audience well, an animated instructor who answered questions without a derogatory tone towards the new students and Alex imagined Blair to be a natural born teacher. 

Alex sat back and viewed the students. He nodded to himself and smiled, feeling better about coming. He had feared the worst...perhaps, Blair a shut in, afraid of his own shadow or the ghosts of dead men haunting him. He had seen the damage done first hand and that Blair could recover from such a devastating ordeal was the mark of a remarkable young man, strong emotionally and mentally. 

Alex also noted Blair's appearance. The hair was still long, but not what it had been when last Alex had seen him, tied back neatly. And Blair had gained back some much needed weight. There was still a certain translucence to the skin, a shade on the pale side, but healthy enough. The clothing was casual, jeans, button down shirt with a coat jacket over that, far more than Blair had been wearing at Alverez's. He shook off that unwanted thought again and realized Blair was wrapping up his lecture. 

"Be sure to read Chapters 5 through 7 for next week. We'll have a quiz on Thursday and the first draft of your paper is due on the following Monday. Have a good weekend." 

Alex stood, but a rush of a dozen students swamped Blair with questions and he watched amused and delighted as Blair fielded each with patience, enthusiasm and not a few adoring gazes from the young women in the group. 

Finally, all the students were gone and Blair gathered his things, fidgeting, Alex thought, perhaps gathering his thoughts before facing him. Blair glanced up and met Alex's gaze. Both men moved towards each other, nervous and embarrassed. 

"Blair, I hope you don't mind that I came." 

Blair reached out to shake his hand and Alex coudn't help, but notice when the sleeve slid up that faint scars circled the man's wrist. He made himself look up into Blair's blue eyes and saw a different kind of scarring, the invisible kind that lay hidden deep inside the psyche. 

"No. Of course not, Alex. What brings you to Cascade? Surely, not me." 

"Well, actually, I'm in the area for a wedding and thought I'd be remiss if I didn't stop by to check on you." 

Blair gave him a wisp of a smile, eyebrows raised in apparent amusement. "Check on me? Do I pass inspection?" 

Alex smiled back, chuckling a little at how he sounded. "Yeah, I think you do." 

"Good, then let's get passed the awkward stage and get on with being friends." 

"That sounds like a good idea. I'd really like to see Jim while I'm here. 

"Just so happens, I can arrange that. How about dinner at our place?" 

Alex nodded. "I'd like that." 

* * *

Blair's heart beat with an erractic pulse, the palms of his hands sweating on the steering wheel of the Volvo. He took a couple of deep breaths and slowly convinced his mind to shove away unwanted memories, quell the reactions his body automatically slid into when those memories assaulted him. 

Calm down, Sandburg, he told himself. Relax. Alex helped you, helped save you from...them. Give the man a break. Give yourself a break. He swallowed hard and started the car. 

"I've made you nervous, uncomfortable even, haven't I?" Alex conjectured. "Seeing me stirs up all the terrible memories. Perhaps this is a bad idea, Blair. Perhaps I should just say goodbye and let you get on with your life. I don't want to cause you anymore pain." 

"No," Blair replied though yes was what he truly wanted to say. "I have to learn to overcome, Alex. I can't hide from the world or things that might conjure a memory of...of...Baker or Alverez. That only gives them power over me. You were...are my friend and I value that friendship. They are dead, will remain dead...forever and have no power." 

"Did the Chopec teach you that or your therapist?" 

Blair glanced over to Alex sitting in the passenger seat. He forced his fingers to let go their steel grip on the hard plastic of the steering wheel and shook out the cramps. 

With a slight grin, Blair said, "both actually. And I'm still trying to get that through to my overreacting brain. It's just times when I'm caught off guard that the...panic goes into overdrive." 

"Like me showing up in your classroom unannounced. God, I'm a complete idiot. I'm sorry, Blair, really." 

"Don't be, Alex. It's a lesson learned for me. I need to keep certain things contained and I still don't do that well enough yet." 

Blair put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb. He felt better though the memories still bounced around inside his head, searching for a place to settle or a way to escape from his tight grip. Yet his skin crawled just a little when a vision of Baker reaching for him struck him unexpectedly. He flinched from the remembering and hoped Alex hadn't noticed. 

"Do you feel up to telling me about the Chopec?" Alex's voice broke through the vision, banishing it to the nether hell from wince it came. 

"Ah, the Chopec. Man, they are so cool. Since Jim told me about the Chopec tribe that rescued him and then I actually met some of them...the shaman, Incacha, I've wanted to go to Peru. But we were so caught up in work and our relationship, I never brought it up to Jim. When all this happened, Peru and the Chopec became my salvation. I would have gone mad if not for them. They helped me in so many ways. I would have never gotten this far down the road to recovery if not for the shaman and the rituals he used. They are such wise people and their rituals are thought to reach further back than the Incan civilization." 

Blair paused momentarily and he was glad that Alex waited patiently for him to complete his thoughts. 

"And they helped Jim as well. They helped us begin our life together again. I don't know if modern therapy would have been enough to...to cleanse me enough so that I could give myself to Jim again. Or that Jim could have forgiven himself for what happened. It wasn't his fault, you know?" 

Alex glance over at Blair and Blair wondered if he thought he needed to convince Alex of that. 

"I know. The only ones to blame for what happened, Blair, are Baker and Alverez." 

Blair physically flinched again from those names, nothing overly done, just a slight wince that he hadn't controlled before Alex saw. 

"But Jim still blames himself sometimes. I want to wipe that ugly spot from his soul and it's the one place I can't quite seem to get at." 

"Perhaps because you still have unhealed wounds yourself?" 

Blair nodded. 

"I've relived that ordeal so many times now, I think I could recite each torture and rape and...humiliation like verse." 

"Please don't do that." 

"Okay, I won't...promise." 

"What about testing? Has there been any problems?" 

"AIDS? STDs? So far I've tested okay. It scares me though. I'd never forgive myself if I infected Jim with HIV. I get tested every month just to assure myself that I don't have it. I think I'm becoming obsessed over it, but I'd never forgive myself...." 

"That's completely understandable, Blair, but if you've tested negative---" 

Blair raised a hand to ward off Alex's logic. "I know, I know. Irrational behavior. I can identify it better than I can control it. Okay?" 

Alex smiled. "Understood." 

Alex shifted in his seat and glanced out the window for a moment. Blair took the opportunity to gather his thoughts and his emotions back into him. He felt as though everything that had happened to him could be read on his face, in the stiffness of his body, as though his very thoughts were pouring out of him like a stream of words. He hoped his discomfort wasn't radiating out to Jim. All he needed was Jim jumping down Alex's throat for dredging up not so old, yet very ugly memories. Jim felt his discomforts, suffered with every nightmare as vividly as he did. They were linked by their souls and felt each other's pains, not so much physical pain, but emotional anguish, mental suffering, agony of the spirit. 

Sometimes the ordeal seemed as though it had happened only yesterday, the beatings and drugs...and the rapes. After a nightmare or just before he went for a blood test, everything rushed back to him in a flood of agony and dark visions, despair wrapping around him like a shroud of doom. Yet, Jim was always there, beside him, holding him, living the ordeal with him even as his lover reminded him that the ordeal was over, that Baker was dead and could never hurt him again. 

And he knew mentally that Jim was right, understood that intellectually. It was the emotionl response to stress and tension that made him lose ground ever so often, making the months of recovery, his time in Peru with the Chopec, fade and the ordeal reassert itself. 

"So, is this your first semester back teaching?" Alex's voice broke through Blair's thoughts. 

"Yes," he managed to say. "A month now and I think I'm doing okay." 

"By the sounds of your students' questions and responses, I'd say you are a popular teacher." 

Blair let a grin slip out. "Jim says it's because I'm not that much older than my students." 

Alex laughed. "I'd say it's because you are an interesting instructor." 

Blair shrugged. "JIm likes to tease me." 

"How is Jim?" 

Blair didn't answer right away, gazing at a point far up the road, yet keeping the car in front of them well ahead. 

Jim is doing okay...mostly. He worries about me a lot. We spent three months in Peru and another three just learning to be civilized again. He went back to work after that and we've been in therapy. Both of us have been. He's coping. Jim's strong like that. He prides himself on being strong, yet...I'm glad he's going to counseling with me. He suffered a great deal through all of this. From the very beginning, he's carried so much guilt with him." 

"Why, Blair?" 

Blair pulled into a parking space in front of the apartment building and turned off the Volvo. 

"Didn't Jim or Simon ever tell you?" 

"Not much...really. Just that you had been kidnapped. I knew more about Alverez than I did Baker. They didn't even tell me that you and Jim were lovers. I figured that out myself fairly early on." 

Blair stared for a moment unsure of what he wanted to say. He didn't really want to play this thing out again, putting words to images, sentences to scenes he had lived through, yet for some reason he couldn't quite fathom he had to tell Alex, felt compelled to tell the man something. 

"Blair, you don't have to---" 

"Baker was an old army buddy of Jim's," Blair interrupted. "Baker went bad, murder a man. Jim testified against him. Then years later, Baker came back for his revenge." 

"And that revenge was to hurt you so as to hurt Jim," Alex offered. 

Blair nodded. "Five of them. And they forced Jim to watch with a knife at his throat. They made him watch while they raped me and beat me. Yet that wasn't enough for Matthew Wayne Baker. He made threats. Four months after the first attack, Baker came back again." 

"That's when he kidnapped you and took you to Argentina?" 

Blair nodded again and closed his eyes against the memories, his hands clutching the wheel again until his knuckles turned white. Yet the vivid vision of Baker's brutality came back to him like a baseball bat upside the head. 

"Blair, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for prying...for asking. I just didn't understand Jim's guilt." 

"Don't Alex. I have got to learn to face this thing without it ruling my life. The memories are just still so difficult, so vivid and close sometimes. I can do this." 

"I know you can." Alex's hand fell gently on Blair's arm, a gesture of comfort and care. 

Blair didn't flinch from the touch. "Come on. Jim probably already knows we're here." 

* * *

Jim waited patiently for Blair and Alex to make their way up to the loft, trying to quell the errant anxiety he felt and knowing the feelings came directly from Blair. Yet he also knew that the anthropologist could handle it, his lover was healing. Alex's sudden appearance must have set the anxiety off, must have pushed Blair's bad memory buttons big time. 

Don't be made at Alex, he told himself. The man came here because he cared, because the doctor was a decent man who had involved himself in a dangerous situation for the sake of another man's life and sanity. He owed Alex Chadwin more than he could ever express. So now, the least Jim could do, was be hospitable and grateful for Alex's concern. 

Jim forced himself not to hover around the door, step back, get out pans to start dinner, be casual...cool. Blair needed that from him. He pulled out three bottles of beer from the refrigerator and waited. 

"I know he'll be glad to see you, Alex. Don't worry. Jim barks loud and he has a hell of a bite, but he's tame enough around civilized people. Really." 

Jim opened the door just as Blair was about to and made a motion for the two men to come in. 

"Hey baby," Jim said, drawing Blair into his arms and kissing him soundly. 

"Hey, yourself. Look who showed up at the university." 

"Alex." Jim put out a hand without completely letting go of Blair and shook the man's hand. "It's good to see you. I'd call Simon over, but he's out of town for a conference. Come in. I saw you when Blair drove up. I hope you can stay for dinner." 

"Um, yes. Good to see you too and tell Simon I'm sorry I missed him." 

Jim let a smile pull at his mouth and his arm squeeze Blair gently around the waist. "I'll tell him. Have a seat and a beer." 

"Ah, just what I need," Alex stated and took a long pull. 

"Civilized enough?" he asked into Blair's ear and kissed the earring laced lobe. 

"You didn't even growl, good boy." Blair grinned and followed Jim into the kitchen to start dinner. 

"Are you okay?" Jim asked very quietly, a hand going out to caress Blair's cheek. "You sure his being here isn't upsettng you?" 

Blair shrugged and replied in a low voice,"I'm okay. I'm fine. A little...a lot of anxiety, but I've got to get passed that, Jim. I have too. Alex is here because he cares. I'm not going to be a weeping bundle of neurotic nerves in front of him. That would be...ungrateful." 

Jim shook his head and gave Blair an incredulous look. "How do you see that as being ungrateful?" 

"Well, he came all this way and all I tell him is...what?...go away? I don't think so." 

Jim glanced over at Alex, smiling and offering a little wave. 

"Okay. As long as you can handle this." 

"Jim" Blair stared back at him from under dark lashes, blue eyes darkening with resolve and determination. "I'm fine." 

"All right, Chief. How about we grill out on the balcony? You can make a salad." 

"You've got it, big guy." 

Conversation during dinner steered decidedly away from memories of Argentina and Jim felt the tension ease, felt Blair's heartbeat take on a familiar cadence. Blair seemed to be enjoying himself as the young man and Alex talked of places they had been at one time or another, sharing experiences only two anthropological type people would truly appreciate. 

Jim listened and relaxed to see Blair act like...well...the Blair of old and Jim held onto that picture, knowing they would reach that moment where the ghosts would be tucked firmly away from them and wouldn't be able to haunt their lives, their dreams...their bed. 

Not that there was anything wrong with their bed. Oh no, their love life was far better than Jim had hoped. Blair was definitely trying to work out those demons and was doing a damned good job, perhaps better than Jim himself. He was just careful of Blair, afraid of hurting him. His lover had been hurt so badly and the last thing Jim wanted to do was remind Blair of those times when Baker and Alverez had so thoroughly humiliated and deliberately inflicted pain on Blair. Jim would never forgive himself if he somehow inadvertently opened wounds that he and Blair had worked so hard to heal. 

"More coffee, Jim? Hey, Jim." Blair's hand on his shoulder brought Jim out of his zone out. "Hey babe. Don't go zoning on me and Alex." 

Jim shook his head and gave them a sheepish grin. 

"Does he do that a lot?" Alex asked in concern. 

"Just when he concentrates too hard." 

"Sorry about that. I'm fine." 

The telephone rang and Blair answered. "Just a minute," he said and put a hand over the mouthpiece. "It's for me. A student, Josh, having a few problems." 

Jim rolled his eyes. "What's with these kids today? It's Friday night and he's calling the teach for help? Tell him to get a social life." 

"JIm. Sorry Alex, I'll be right back." 

Blair slipped into the spare room, his murmuring voice, clear to Jim and very comforting as the young professor explained some obscure ritual to said student. Jim's attention moved back to Alex who looked down into his coffee then eyes rose to pierce Jim wit a steady, if not wary gaze. 

"How's Blair doing, really?" 

Jim took another sip of his coffee. He shrugged and sighed and sat back against the couch. 

"Better than I'd have ever hoped for, but far from being over it. He only went back to teaching a month ago." 

Alex nodded. "He looks good, but still rather pale." 

"He still has nightmares sometimes. Not all the time, just if he gets overly anxious about something or something reminds him. I had already told you we went to Peru...to the Chopec when I called a few months ago." 

"Yes. That must have been extraordinary. Absolutely remarkable." 

Jim chuckled. "I lived with the Chopec for a year and a half. They became my family so it didn't seem so remarkable to me...or to Blair. But we had some extraordinary experiences while we were there." 

"He told me he gets himself tested for HIV every month. Is that really necessary?" 

"To him, it is. I know it's obsessive behavior, but if it gives him some kind of comfort...well, our therapist seems to think it will subside after a time." 

Alex glanced away then around to see if Blair was coming back. 

"You have something else you want to say before Blair gets back, say it, Chadwin." 

Alex grew nervous right before his eyes. He heard the man's heart rate increase and felt heat slide off. Instantly, Jim regretted his tone. 

"Talk to me, Alex," Jim said gently. "If you have a concern and it's something that can help Blair, I want to hear it." 

Alex took a deep breath and leaned forward. "I just wanted to know if you realized how vulnerable Blair might still be. For all his progress, I think the conditioning hasn't been completely dispelled." 

"And you are worried I might not see it or see it and use it against him?" 

Alex shook his head. "No, Jim. I think you are just so close to it all that you might not realize how much influence you have on Blair and that his still very susceptible to suggestion or commands...demands. You just need to be watching for this in yourself and others. Some people might be ruthless enough to use it against Blair if they figured it out. We already knw what some people are capable of." 

"What makes you think Blair is still influenced by the drug Alverez gave him?" 

Alex shook his head. "Not the drug, Jim. The treatment he endured. The forced submission. Blair answered every question I posed to him as though he couldn't not answer. As though programming had kicked in. It's not obvious, Jim. And I was looking for it. Just be careful. I could be wrong, but better to be careful." 

"I don't know, Alex. I think in some ways you may be right, but Blair is healing, he is recovering." 

"Good, I'm glad." 

Jim nodded then posed his own question. 

"So what about Stanfield?" 

Jim heard the man's heart actually skip a beat. 

"Don't worry," Jim added. "I'm not going to hunt the son-of-a-bitch down. I don't have time for that personal pleasure. I just want to know what he's up to...that he's behaving himself since...you know." 

"He resigned for UCLA because of an inquiry into the situation in Argentina. He's taken a position at a small college back east . Very low profile job. He's pretty much a subdued man, Detective. I warned him that I'd ruin him if he breathed a word about any of this to anyone and then I'd drag him to you and let you have a go at him. I don't think he'll trouble you anymore. He doesn't have the balls for it." 

"Good enough." 

"All finished talking about me?" Blair asked as h came back from the spare room, shutting dow the portable as he came to sit beside Jim. 

Jim and Alex looked at each other with feigned expressions of innocence. 

"Were we talking about him, Alex?" 

"Blair? Why would we be talking about Blair? We were talking about...uh...the Lakers chances of winning the title this year." 

"No way the Lakers are even going to win their division this year," Jim countered then glanced over at Blair. "Relax, babe, have some more coffee." 

Blair just shook his head, patted Jim's arm and smiled a knowing smile. 

* * *

Blair climbed into bed and fluffed the pillow behind him. Below, he heard Jim making the rounds, checking the security system and the doors. He felt so safe with Jim around, so very protected. Slipping on his glasses, he began to read while he waited for his Sentinel to come to bed. 

He watched Jim climb the last of the stairs from under hooded eyelids, enjoying the casual manner in which James Ellison disrobed, exposng a magnificent body, muscular and sleek, strong and graceful. Jim began to change from briefs into boxers. 

"Do you really want to do that?" Blair asked in a sultry voice. 

"What, Chief?" Jim offered in return with a sly grin. 

Blair closed his book with deliberate care and set it aside on the nightstand. Then, with a slow, graceful move, he pulled off his glasses and folded them. Setting them aside, Blair tilted his head a little and licked his lips. 

"Oh...that," Jim said and let the boxers drop to the floor. 

From the end of the bed, Jim slid towards him on hands and knees. Blair felt a thrill of excitement, a flame of fire sprouting in his loins. 

"God Jim...you are so damned handsome." 

"Oh baby," Jim purred, drawing down the blankets to reveal Blair's nakedness in the subdued lamplight. "Oh baby, baby." The purr turned into a growl as Jim pulled Blair down onto his back to lie beneath the man. "You are so damned beauiful...gorgeous...handsome. Everything I've ever dreamed of or desired." 

Blair smiled up at his lover, hands moving over Jim's body, feeling the muscles beneath his fingertips, stroking the smooth skin of his lover's arms and shoulders, then the jawline, rough witha need to shave. 

Those wonderful lips moved down to take his in a long slow kiss, deep with being treasured, meaingful in the blessedness of their union. 

He felt Jim's fingers slide into his hair, body sliding up to get a better angle and that deepened the kiss even further, made the action set his body to flame like a whirlwind whipping a raging prairie fire. 

That hard body moved against him in slippery friction, like kindling sparking to life, yet graceful, like a ballet in progress. 

Blair's fingers worked their way down Jim's back, massaging, exploring the surfaces, the planes and angles of skin over muscles over skeleton until he reached the round mounds of buttock that he loved to see in tight jeans walking in front of him. 

Jim's mouth moved down his neck, never marking him now for fear of reminding him of other's marks. 

"Make me yours again, Jim," Blair whispered. "Mark me the way you used to do...please. I miss that." 

With concerned blue eyes, Jim lifted his head and gazed into Blair's own blue eyes. 

"Sweetheart, are you sure? We've avoided that." 

"Yeah, and a lot of other things, lover. Let's kick the ghosts out of our bed. We can do that...can't we? I want to try." 

"I want to too," Jim murmured with such love, Blair felt tears strain at the back of his eyes. "I never want to hurt you though." 

"You never could, Jim. Our love is unbreakable. Our love survives any crisis, any pain or hurt or trouble." Blair let his fingers caress Jim's lips, the cheekbone and down the man's nose. "Our love is beyond this world, this life. It is eternal. And I truly believe that, my only true love. I am yours and I want you to take me the way you used too, with fierce passion. Now are those the words of someone who is still programmed to be submissive?" 

"You were listening to Alex and me earlier?" 

"Yeah, I appreciate the concern, but I know what I want." 

"What's brought all this on so suddenly, Blair? Why now? Why not more slowly?" 

"Because now is the time. Need there be more explanation than that?" 

"Did Alex coming to see you have anything to do with this?" 

Blair's gaze slid away and he contemplated the question. Finally, he looked back to Jim and nodded. 

"Yes, Alex's coming here did have much to do with this. It's over, Jim. Baker and Alverez are dead. They will stay dead and we have our lives ahead of us. I can cry and cringe and be afraid of my own shadow...of ghosts that aren't really there. Or I can live my life in spite of the scars, in spite of these." Blair held out his wrists, making certain Jim saw the scars. "Or those on my back and that one branded into my hip." 

"That one is faint, so are the others. The shaman saw to that with his potions," Jim offered. 

"And so they are, Jim. And faint is what I want them to be in my mind and in my heart and on my soul. I'm ready to move beyond what was done to me and what I had to do...what you had to do. I want to live my life with you and not have this ordeal hanging over us." 

"It won't go away that easily, Chief. You know that. And what about the HIV test. You going to stop having those?" 

Blair nodded with patience. "I know, Jim. No more tests. If I was HIV positive it would have showed up by now. And now is the beginning and the end all rolled up together. I'm ready to let it go, let the spirits finish what was started in Peru. You and I both have to let it go. I want us to make love, to have mad passionate sex where you don't have to be careful and I don't have to be scared of being reminded of being raped. Please, let's try to just be ourselves, the two people in love we were before Baker came to steal so much away from us." 

Jim stared down at him with a loving gaze and Blair wondered if Jim was as ready to let go of the hurt as he was. He wondered if Jim could yet or if the damage to his lover was deeper than he had thought. Perhaps even deeper than his own. 

But then Jim nodded and laid his forehead against Blair's, their noses touching. 

"I'm ready to let go, Blair. If you are ready, so am I. I love you...forever." 

Blair sighed and let a smile pull at his lips. His eyes slid closed as Jim nuzzled his neck, kissing and licking. A nip was the first sign that Jim was willing to take the step, then lips latched onto his neck and sucked hard. Blair moaned with the luscious, brilliantly intense feeling that swarmed up and down his spine, tingling in his nerve endings until his body lit up again with the same fire of desire he had felt rise inside of him only a little while ago. He arched in Jim's embrace and clutched the hard biceps. Their groins ground together in a steady rhythm until Blair's neck was decorated with red and purple bruises that had nothing to do with pain. 

"You like that, baby?"Jim said with a lift of his head. 

"Ummmm. I love it, lover." 

"Then let me find out what else you like having sucked." 

"Ooohh, you know just the things to do to make me hot." 

Jim moved down Blair's body like a flowing stream, a hot spring of soothing water that touched and caressed muscles and flesh, hot mouth and tongue lapping at peaked nipples that begged to be nibbled and sucked and seduced. Blair moaned and writhed in Jim's grip, held down against the sheets with the manly force of his lover's embrace. Jim had been so careful of holding him down, of pinning him to the bed. But Blair had missed that forceful taking and reveled in Jim's grasp now. 

"Yes, oh, yes, Jim." Blair murmured encouragement, not wanting Jim to hesitate in what they had started. And Jim moved with that encouragement, moving down to kiss and caress, spreading Blair's thighs for better access. 

Jim's tongue continued to stroke all the sacred places, hands and fingers squeezing gently with rough caresses. The pressure built with natural intensity, without pain and with Blair's permission. No one, but he and Jim had the right to his passion. No one could take that from him to use against him ever again. 

And for the first time in so very long, Blair felt free. He soared above the pain, flew above the sorted, dirty perversions of other men who had stolen that freedom from him, had tried to make him a slave for their passions and their plots and schemes. But now he was free to soar again with his one and only, his very destiny. 

Blair's hips rose when Jim sucked him in, no longer toying with him, but getting down to the serious business of making him come. 

"Oh god, Jim...oh...my...god!" 

Jim's hands stroked his hips and spread him wide. A wetted finger slid into him and he gasped with the double pleasure assaulting his senses. 

He pumped his hips in time with Jim's movements and his world exploded in a thousand lights behind tightly closed eyes, hands wound in the sheets under him, grasping to hold onto a universe that whirled him away in unbridled ecstasy. He sucked in air through his teeth as Jim sucked him dry and finger fucked him till the spiraling slowed into gentle twists of time and he landed back down on the softness of the bed and into Jim's arms. 

Blair quivered with the intense aftermath of orgasm, the little after shocks of licking and nuzzling and Jim slowly moving back up his body, kissing and caressing all the way. 

"I love doing that to you, baby," Jim whispered in Blair's ear, nuzzling again under his hair and around his earrings. 

Blair smiled, still breathing heavy. "I...love it when...you do...that to me." 

"Good. Cause I have no plans to stop. Ever." 

Blair nodded and pulled Jim's face down to his, tasting his own sex on his lover's mouth and tongue. Jim leaned up over him and Blair latched onto a hard nipple, licking it while Jim moaned above him. He bit the little nub gently and licked it again then moved to suck in the other for equal treatment. 

Jim's hard length moved against his stomach, stroking against him in rhythm with his sucking. 

"Oh baby, can I come inside of you?" 

Blair lay back and his hands moved down to grasp Jim's cock, fondling the balls that hung tight between strong thighs. 

"You don't even have to ask, lover. I'm yours. I belong to you." 

"We belong to each other." 

"Yes, we do...don't we?" 

Jim nodded and rose up on his knees to get the lube from the bedside table. Blair turned over on his stomach. He glanced behind him to see Jim contemplating his ass with a smile on that hadsome face. 

"Is this how you want me, Jim?" 

"If that's what you want, Chief?" 

"No JIm...what do you want? Show me. Take me. I'm yours. That's what I want. I've had enough of the kid gloves treatment." 

"OKay, Chief. Yeah, like that for now. You just lay there for the moment and let me get you ready." 

"I was born ready for you." 

"Ooooh, baby." 

Only a moment passed before Blair felt slick cool fingers moved along his cleft, knees between his legs spreading him open. A long finger slid inside of him, deep while a thumb stroked the back side of his balls. He arched his hips a little when the finger slid out and two fingers slid back in, moving in and almost out of him, teasing him with strokes against his prostate. Blair luxuriated in the feeling of being loved, being cherished and treasured and catered to. 

With a third finger added, he was ready for anythng and Jim's hand slipped around his hips to draw him up to his knees. 

"You are so ready, sweetheart." 

"Let's do it then." 

Jim snuggled up beind him, one hand on Blair's hip, the other guiding them together. A bare moment of resistance and a single flash of pain then Jim was inside of him, deeper than the fingers and Blair steadied his breathing, gathered his balance as Jim maneuvered them, hands caressing Blair's hips, moving to surround him with a loving embrace. His lover's hands stroked his chest and slowly lifted him upright, the back of his thighs pressed and resting against Jim's. 

Now the connection was complete, Jim's chest pressed to his back, arms wrapped tightly around him and their union could go no deeper. Jim's mouth sought Blair's neck and the man's big hands slid up to sweep his hair back from the nape. 

Gentle kisses and tongue strokes made Blair shudder with an undescribable pleasure and the gentle rocking movements sent ecstasy humming down the nerve endings of his entire body. 

"This is the way I love it most, Blair," Jim murmured. "I love making love to you like this best of all. God, baby, I love you so much, so so much." 

Blair rolled his head to one side to allow Jim complete access. His hands grasped at Jim's thighs or the arms encircling hiis chest, holding on for dear life and love. 

"Love you Jim, so so much," he managed to gasp in return. 

They rocked until Blair sensed JIm's need growing, the controlled gentleness that Jim had come to use with him over the months since the first attack slipping automatically into place and that was not what Blair wanted now. "Let's finish this hard, Jim. I want it that way...with you. We can do that." 

"Oh god, Blair," Jim breathed in obvious desire to do just that. "Oh god, I...don't want to...hurt you." 

"You won't, lover." 

Blair lunged forward onto his hands and knees with JIm's hands grasping at his hips. Without missing a stroke, Jim plunged into him hard and deep, pounding as they used to do when the fever reached a pitch and hard was the only way to ease the temperature back down. 

Without regret or even a single thought for Baker, Blair met each of Jim's thrusts with a thrust of his own, back against his lover to meet a mutual need. 

Jim's groan and deep growls sounded close to Blair's ear and he knew by the feel of his lover's cock inside of him that Jim had reached the peak and was on his way back down. They slid down on the bed together, Jim still inside of him, wrapped around him. Jim's weight was heavy on his back, but he reveled in that feeling of being whole and loved and protected. 

Finally, Jim pulled out and rolled, pulling Blair with him. They snuggled together with Blair's head on Jim's shoulder. Blair liked that. He could so easily reach up with his lips and kiss Jim's neck anytime he wanted and he wanted to quite often. 

"See, no ghosts." 

"For the moment, Chief. Don't put your expectations too high just yet. We still have a ways to go." 

"I know. I'm not saying I won't have any more nightmares or I won't have anxiety attacks when something reminds me too vividly of what they did to me. I'm just saying, I'm letting go." 

"You sound like Naomi now." 

"Like mother like son." 

Blair grinned against Jim's neck. No ghosts for now, but he wasn't certain they were completely gone just yet. Only time would heal the worst wounds and only time would make the memories fade and the ghosts with them. 

"You okay, baby?" Jim gave him a gentle squeeze and stroked his hair with a loving caress. 

Blair thought a moment before answering, trying to find an honest answer to a question that sounded simple, but was deep with meaning and sincerity. 

"Yeah, pretty okay, lover. Pretty okay." 

End Ravaged Epilogue. 


End file.
